Since my last post on possibly not running my planned spring marathon many people have asked me how I truly feel about possible not running Bayshore, what am I doing in all my “free” time and what kind of exercise I have been doing in place of running.

I would like to say that I am sane without running being part of my life, but that would be a lie. The inside of my head as been a very scary place the last month or so. You should be glad you don’t have to live in there or hear what is going on up in my head. There is constant banter of “I am super women and can run through any pain” to ” I think I am going to amputate my left hip from my body, because that could be less painful than what I am feeling now.” Then to the more rational side of Allison’s head “I NEED to be a smart runner right now, so I can enjoy running for many more years to come. “, “Allison, you must not run today. Get your rear in the pool asap!”

See my head is scary.

Just the thought of not running Bayshore Marathon on May 26 makes me want to cry. I don’t like thinking about the possibility of not toeing the start line. I do know that there is a large possibility that not running Bayshore Marathon may be my reality very soon. Yes, I am sure I could struggle through 26.2 miles, but I don’t think I can struggle through 26.2 miles and still be able to have a legendary summer of 2012 running, setting new PR’s and enjoying the running experience. Not running this summer is something that I don’t want to have to experience.

I want to see more numbers like this on my Garmin this summer

I still don’t know what “free time” is. It does not seem to exist in my life. I always seem to have something going on. I have been cooking and baking more the last few weeks-which is always a good stress reliever at the end of the day. But, I still seem to go to bed each night with a “to-do list” that does not have everything crossed off of it. I like seeing lines through every item on a list to know that for sure it is completed.

I have not felt as rushed to get homework done on time, laundry completed in one day, and errand run in a timely manner. So if this is what “free time” is, yes I seem to have some of that in my life currently.

I have been busy with school and work lately, but I have managed to swim about 4 days/ week and get a few bike rides in each week. I have started going to a swim class at the gym on Monday afternoons that focuses on technique of swimming. I am finally starting to feel a little more confident in my swimming ability and not so much like a cat in water.

I am starting to enjoy the pool sessions more and more. I still don’t get a “runner’s high” feeling from swimming, but I am still holding on that one day I will get the “swimmer’s high”.

To recap this extremely long post:

1. You should be very glad you are in living in my head.

2. I cry thinking about not running Bayshore Marathon (I am overly emotional lately)

3. “free time” does not exists

4. Swimming is becoming more enjoyable after 6 months of getting in the pool.

What do you do when you have to put a race on the back burner?

Does “free time” exist in the world?